Yes, teen girls can be drama queens, but mom's can be drama mamas.
"What have you been speaing frankly about? It's my daughter's fault. She's rude, disrespectful, and defiant."
I am aware it's easy to focus in your daughter's behavior, but it's simple for mom's to become listed on the drama dance and escalate the drama.
Now I am not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.
But moms need certainly to take responsibility for his or her part in the drama dance. I am a mom of a young adult and I discover how easy it's to get hooked in the drama. But this is actually the good news.
When you take responsibility for the part, you are able to avoid a lot of the drama together with your daughter.
The drama will dissipate quickly when you refuse to become listed on the drama dance.
It will take two to accomplish the drama dance. This is why it's important to know the method that you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It's a reaction. You react because you're afraid, frustrated, or she makes you're feeling like a failure.
The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama
1. Lose Control
Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you realize it, your feel the fire welling up in your belly. You are in touch with your inner warrior. You've had it, and you're ready to put her in her place, nevertheless, you lose control.
You lose control of your words, judgment, and actions.
Result: When you lose control, it gives your daughter permission to lose control. This creates a downward cycle that creates a whole new set of problems.Dramacool
What you certainly can do about it: Have a break. Go to the store. Walk around the block. Have a shower. You will need time to calm down.
2. Escalate the Arguing
Avoid arguing at all costs. It is not a conversation; it's a power struggle where there is going to be considered a winner and loser. It's a battle to the finish.
Your daughter will attempt to get what she wants by arguing with you.
She use her teenage logic that is really code for "I will argue with you till you allow me to do what I want."
She will throw things at you want, "You hate my friends." Invest the the bait and start defending and arguing why you don't hate her friends, she will continue steadily to argue with an increase of passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She will throw everything at you to get her way.
Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really isn't open as to the you have to say. She just wants her way. Since these arguments are so frustrating and irrational you're bound to lose it in bigger ways.
What you certainly can do about it: Wait for a time when both you and your daughter are calm. This is your very best chance to truly have a conversation. When anyone is upset it'll become an argument.
Get clear about everything you think and everything you will do about it. Lots of arguing happens if you are not clear.
3. Scare Her
Another tactic is trying to scare your daughter into changing. This happens when you feel you can't get right through to her.
You attempt to scare her by making negative predictions in the future.
- If you are sick and tired of your daughter's room being trashed, you say, "In the event that you don't learn to look after your things you will be the biggest slob in the world. Nobody may wish to room with you in college. All the best finding a man who'll endure that."
These negative predictions fly from your mouth if you are really frustrated and you don't know what else to do.
Other negative predictions are:
- In the event that you keep eating like that you're planning to be huge.
- In the event that you don't value your grades you'll never get into a college. You'll be lucky to acquire a job at a junk food restaurant.
Result: Your daughter feels humiliated or shame. She'll feel that you've abadndoned her.
One teenage girl said, "My mom thinks I'm stupid and can't get into college."
Negative predictions cause apathy, despair, anger, and shame. They never motivate.
What you certainly can do about it: Remember your daughter's strengths, abilities, and resiliencies. This will help calm your fears. Encourage her by saying things such as, "I am aware you may be successful, when you put enough time and effort into it." You are challenging her in an optimistic way.
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